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That’s Norway to Treat a Lady
The post That’s Norway to Treat a Lady appeared first on The Onion.
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https://theonion.com/thats-norway-to-treat-a-lady/
Kristi Noem Calls On Minneapolis Residents To Stop Obstructing Murders
WASHINGTON—Urging locals to “fully cooperate” with federal agents, Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem called on Minneapolis residents Monday to stop obstructing murders. “The brave men and women of ICE and the U.S. Border Patrol are doing their best to carry out these executions in a safe and professiona…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/kristi-noem-calls-on-minneapolis-residents-to-stop-obstructing-murders/
Trump Alleges That Democrats Secretly Paid Alex Pretti To Be Model Citizen
WASHINGTON—Claiming that no one would realistically devote their life to serving others without being funded by nefarious actors, President Donald Trump alleged Monday that Democrats had secretly paid Alex Pretti, the 37-year-old Veterans Affairs nurse killed by U.S. Border Patrol agents in Minneapolis, to be a mod…
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https://theonion.com/trump-alleges-that-democrats-secretly-paid-alex-pretti-to-be-model-citizen/
Trump Alleges That Democrats Secretly Paid Alex Pretti To Be Model Citizen
WASHINGTON—Claiming that no one would realistically devote their life to serving others without being funded by nefarious actors, President Donald Trump alleged Monday that Democrats had secretly paid Alex Pretti, the 37-year-old Veterans Affairs nurse killed by U.S. Border Patrol agents in Minneapolis, to be a mod…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/trump-alleges-that-democrats-secretly-paid-alex-pretti-to-be-model-citizen/
Kristi Noem Calls On Minneapolis Residents To Stop Obstructing Murders
WASHINGTON—Urging locals to “fully cooperate” with federal agents, Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem called on Minneapolis residents Monday to stop obstructing murders. “The brave men and women of ICE and the U.S. Border Patrol are doing their best to carry out these executions in a safe and professiona…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/kristi-noem-calls-on-minneapolis-residents-to-stop-obstructing-murders/
That’s Norway to Treat a Lady
The post That’s Norway to Treat a Lady appeared first on The Onion.
#theonion
https://theonion.com/thats-norway-to-treat-a-lady/
Dwayne Johnson Intrigued After Learning About Special Trophy For Good Actors
LOS ANGELES—Leaning forward in his seat as a number of questions raced through his mind, Dwayne Johnson was reportedly intrigued Monday after learning there was a special trophy for good actors. “Huh, interesting—and you said they give them out every year?” asked Johnson, who frowned as he racked his brain in a…
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https://theonion.com/dwayne-johnson-intrigued-after-learning-about-special-trophy-for-good-actors/
Dwayne Johnson Intrigued After Learning About Special Trophy For Good Actors
LOS ANGELES—Leaning forward in his seat as a number of questions raced through his mind, Dwayne Johnson was reportedly intrigued Monday after learning there was a special trophy for good actors. “Huh, interesting—and you said they give them out every year?” asked Johnson, who frowned as he racked his brain in a…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/dwayne-johnson-intrigued-after-learning-about-special-trophy-for-good-actors/
GOP Adds ‘ICE Kills Everyone’ Pillar To 2026 Platform
WASHINGTON—Adopting a new set of national policy positions ahead of this year’s midterms, top GOP leaders released an updated party platform Tuesday to introduce their official “ICE kills everyone” agenda for 2026. “In our continuing fight to make America great again, it is vital we maintain Republican control of the government so we can ensure […]
The post …
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https://theonion.com/gop-adds-ice-kills-everyone-pillar-to-2026-platform/
Elon Musk Files For Full Custody Of All U.S. Children
STARBASE, TX—Claiming that his relationship with the nation’s adults had been ‘irreparably’ damaged by their recent comments in support of the trans community, Elon Musk announced Thursday that he had filed for full custody of all U.S. children. “I will be filing for full custody today, given that every American parent supports the transition of infants,” M…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/elon-musk-files-for-full-custody-of-all-u-s-children/
Elon Musk Files For Full Custody Of All U.S. Children
STARBASE, TX—Claiming that his relationship with the nation’s adults had been ‘irreparably’ damaged by their recent comments in support of the trans community, Elon Musk announced Thursday that he had filed for full custody of all U.S. children. “I will be filing for full custody today, given that every American parent supports the transition of infants,” M…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/elon-musk-files-for-full-custody-of-all-u-s-children/
GOP Adds ‘ICE Kills Everyone’ Pillar To 2026 Platform
WASHINGTON—Adopting a new set of national policy positions ahead of this year’s midterms, top GOP leaders released an updated party platform Tuesday to introduce their official “ICE kills everyone” agenda for 2026. “In our continuing fight to make America great again, it is vital we maintain Republican control of the government so we can ensure […]
The post …
#theonion
https://theonion.com/gop-adds-ice-kills-everyone-pillar-to-2026-platform/
Study Finds Increased Demand Among Gen Z For Non-Alcoholic Fathers
The post Study Finds Increased Demand Among Gen Z For Non-Alcoholic Fathers appeared first on The Onion.
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https://theonion.com/study-finds-increased-demand-among-gen-z-for-non-alcoholic-fathers/
Panicked xAI Technicians Frantically Throw Levers To Find The One Controlling Grok’s Pedophilia
PALO ALTO, CA—Shouting over the sound of the alarm as it blared through the headquarters of Elon Musk’s artificial intelligence startup, panicked xAI technicians were reportedly throwing levers Monday in a frantic effort to find the one controlling Grok’s pedophilia. “Come o…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/panicked-xai-technicians-frantically-throw-levers-to-find-the-one-controlling-groks-pedophilia/
Study Finds Increased Demand Among Gen Z For Non-Alcoholic Fathers
The post Study Finds Increased Demand Among Gen Z For Non-Alcoholic Fathers appeared first on The Onion.
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https://theonion.com/study-finds-increased-demand-among-gen-z-for-non-alcoholic-fathers/
Nicolás Maduro Charged With Felony Oil Possession
The post Nicolás Maduro Charged With Felony Oil Possession appeared first on The Onion.
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https://theonion.com/nicolas-maduro-charged-with-felony-oil-possession/
Congress: ‘If You Wanted An Expensive Foreign War, All You Had To Do Was Ask’
The post Congress: ‘If You Wanted An Expensive Foreign War, All You Had To Do Was Ask’ appeared first on The Onion.
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https://theonion.com/congress-if-you-wanted-an-expensive-foreign-war-all-you-had-to-do-was-ask/
